REFRACTED

   
 

 


 



 




 




 


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William Turner "The Medway" (1807) National Gallery, London






 by Felix Lorenz (2016-2023)















   























         










         






















         













                             














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Just as a ray of sunlight that is refracted and reflected when passing through a raindrop,
all of our doing has a range of consequences that lies beyond our control.









 







                              










                                       









   


1. Clear

Will there be snow, and will there be lights? Will there be music by the fire? And what about you, will you be there to be the light in the darkest moments. And forgiveness, as I forgive you. You know that I always do. And will the time heal the cracks in my upset mind. And will there be peace, and serentiy, as before. Before the arrival of darkness in the streets pollutes our souls. Will there be snow, clean and white snow, all the way from the Northpole, or somewhere else cold. Clear as ice. Cold and clear as you can be at times.











   









   










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2. Become real

Growing up in a neighbourhood among kids without phantasy is hard for a dedicated researcher, oriented universally. Dreaming up something and make it become real. Searching for the formula to the entire universe,envisioning machines that give answers to all miracles and wonders. Dreaming up something and make it become real. There's a sacred book listing all my discoveries, compiled by my assistant, my loyal and reliable friend, right by my side, wherever I went. Putting the pieces together, giving names to the unnamed, talking sophisticated language, that most others could not even think in. Dreaming up something and make it become real. Many years years have passed, still adding pages to my book, exchanged my imaginary friend, for the girl from down the road. Dreaming up something and make it become real.






   




   




   


   



     

                                                   

 


3. Conspiracy of the heavens

Jehova, Allah and Lucifer and a bunch of lesser ones had a milennial conference on the dark side of the sun. Discussing that the crown of their creation ignored the commandments altogether. That the names of their gods and their word are abused to set up folks against each other. Enlightened humans with the confidence that they can get along without the grace of gods. Send some plagues down to make them find their faith and wipe out those that don't. If man's not happy with what he's got he'll invent something to do the job, carved by hand to automated production, stone tools to weapons of mass destruction. In nature nothing's meant last forever, a material was not consented, tough as steel, wear and tear resistent and elastic, so man invented: plastic - mountains are growing around us like the foam in a bath that runs in, on the land and the oceans, in the oceans, in food-chains and our blood, in eternal circulation. It's awfully hot in old Europe, our comfort zones need airconditions. All over the world there are heatwaves of biblical dimensions. Greta is the darling of the media with her awkward reproachful frogface. It's easier to hate that girl than to deal with her writings on the wall. I pile the bags with all my groceries up in the trunk of my SUV.  On my way home there was a traffic jam for as far as I could see. Flickering colorful plastic veils dancing in naked trees, the sky crisscrossed by chemtrails, I fell asleep and Greta's shadow sailed past in a dream. I stood by a meadow of plastic flowers blossoming in red and blue. A distant voice reverberated: how dare you how dare you? I watched a band of cheerleaders, starving to their bones, in a gathering of Ku Klux Clan led by an orange horror clown. There were hundreds of struggling people in a rubber duck parade. Our empress overwhelmed by tremor as the national anthem's played. Finally I woke up startled by and orchestra of horns. Angry faces tapping foreheads: move on, move on! The heritage of the plastic flood, the mountebanks of climate change, ingenuity of the human brain, conspiracy of the heavens.



 

 

   
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4. Weak

All of my life kindness used to be my second name but in the words of Al Capone kind and weakness aint the same. If someone come across unkind my friend I guarantee that weak is not what he'll remember about me. At school a guy called Bumper bullied all the kids around and when my turn came up I tried my best to calm this rascal down. He began to push and punch me but then all the crowd recalls is how his face turned blue when my knee met with his balls. The folks around that day will cheerfully agree that weak is not what he'll remember about me. I finally found a job in a local hardware store, doing nightshifts, overhours but the boss still asked for more. He knew that all his workers depended on their wage, times were hard and this asshole was treating them like slaves. I smiled him in his face and quit, I was broke but I was free. No weak is not what he'll remember about me. My uncle was a rich man and let everybody know when he got sick I cared for him, gave him company and so, one day I found my courage and asked him for some doe, but wanted me to kiss his feet and wanted me to bow. I told him keep your money, left him in his misery, no weak is not what he'll remember about me. A smile, my friend, can get you so far, but a smile with a gun can take you way beyond. But don't mistake kindness with weakness, and violent don't mean that you are strong. The fairest girl I ever met had blue eyes and blond hair. Her face was like the sun, I just melted away. She wrapped me around her finger, put a ring on top, you see, that weak is all that I remember about me.

   




       













       













       













   
 













                                                   













 


5. Gleam

Children of today will never get to see the smile of a stranger held at arm's length away. Leaders of tomorrow haven't played in the dirt, never make decisions without the consent of an expert. They don't need reasons, they long to know how, no yesterday no tomorrow, the only time is now. They show up like modern centaurs, half human, half a van, lock up their brood in sterility little monsters to become. Blind for the miracles of nature, see the universe as an array of numbers to shape the future, but never held a piece of clay. I'm tripping over you almost every day my long familiar rock. Each time I kick you out of my way you return back to your spot. Now that the mineral's been given a name I can see your gleam from a distance. They don't need reasons, they long to know how, no yesterday no tomorrow, the only time is now. Children of today will never get to see  the smile of a stranger held at arm's length away. Leaders of tomorrow haven't played in the dirt, never make decisions without the consent of an expert. The frog was waiting in the jar, gloating at the students gathered around. Once dissected and all the organs lined up, his soul could not be found. Re-assembled by crafty Frankensteins, the creature could not be revived. Contractions of the legs just galvanism, but no return of life. They don't need reasons, they long to know how, no yesterday no tomorrow, the only time is now. No means No, don't ask for the why. No means No, the only question is how. No means No, whatever you say we'll do it anyway.

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6. Serpentines

No start and no end, the earth is a sphere, and all of its paths are crossing somewhere. On getting around there's dead ends and detours. The road I found turned out to be yours. I remember the morning you crossed my serpentines. I wasn't at my best that day, recovering from hard times. We had to get up and learn to walk and soon we walked together and I knew the day was near you and I'd lift off up in the air. As a child I studied sewing patterns. Encrypted directions to dream destinations. The places you and I came from had tough and stormy weather. Our search for the sun - has brought us together. The rearview mirrow of my car has a crack right through and whatever lies behind us...there's two different views. All the scenes and places we are passing by are well-known but every curve ahead puts another adventure on. Don't look back, ignore the map. Time's a one way road - but no-one's ahead. The pressure gauge just passed the green, heading for the red, but there's blank inbetween. No matter which way the wind blows, east, north, west, or south, united we will take our flight on to the destined point. We traveled along the nice sites and some disgusting quarters likewise. It is an ongoing revelation as we move on, from station to station. In this car there's chaos, alright. We keep an eye on each other's side. My style driving: a cause of debate, but don't you worry, we won't be late. In your seatpocket there's an emergency hammer, band aid and disinfectant spray. In mine there's sunglasses, a pile of CDs with my favorite songs of the 80s. The road that leads to your soul was a long and winding one, but it was worth it to carry on. It was worth it to carry on.

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7. Draw!

A marriage that's meant to last, it's like a drawn game of chess. It takes the brain and the heart and following rules to make a perfect match. If three or more players get involved, brain and heart won't win the game. Dices, cards and referees moderate inbetween. In the game of thrones there is no moderation while the tournament is on. The big players east and west go by their own rules and Europe is their whore that's forced to pull her pants down. Who threw the first stone, who stole he dog its bone, and left the kids alone at home with Daddys gun. A dwarfed caricature of Peter the Great is working on his claim to fame. Bombing and raping his neighbours as if that made Russia great again. This head of a monster will soon be rolling but the body itself will survive. Given two generations of hatred and remorse and the creature will come back to life. There can't winners only losers in this game. The bodycount won't change the score. Once returned to ashes we'll all gonna be the same. It's a draw.


 
     
     
   
                     
                                                                               
 


8. Matryoshka

The fall of the wall, corona, and the day the Twin towers came down. Tomorrow won't be as yesterday, a new age had begun. Change is happening all the time, status can't be maintained. Survival in a world in motion  means death and re-inventing. To renew a complex system takes adapting all of its components. If only the outside gets a new face, the intestines go out of date. The concept of a Matryoshka is that there is dolls placed in one another. If you open one up you'll find smaller versions of the same inside. Be careful with the Russian doll, it's a brittle work of art. It begins to dance and spin around, tumbling down and breaking apart. The top half has a head, the bottom half has none. They split right in the middle, to reveal a smaller one. Next one, open it up, identical, just smaller, which in turn contains another figure, it goes on and on and on. In the center is that figurine that won't open to anyone. The beginning and the end of everything: x plus one layers down. Putting the valves back together is a problem if you don't get it right. If parts that don't match are left over - a rattling is heared inside. Society is dolls from all over the world encapsulated in one mis-matched matryoshka, and broken valves scattered around. And when I open up my mind there's a smaller copy of myself inside. I open it up to find smaller and smaller version of me. The further I go the smaller I become.On and on but no trace of the central one.

 
   
   
 
 
   
                                                                               
       


9. Mindless

You've come a long long way of misery and drama and let everybody know straight away. You play the role of the clumsy, studious nerd in the social hierarchy. Always finding people who'd feel sorry, who'd forgive you all your mind boggling glitches. Everyone linked to you had to show you where their fridge is and without them you'd be sleeping under bridges. We have tried to be there for you when you needed a friend and you disappeared at times when you're ok, expecting our indulgence, have excuses, lie, and chatter and betray when things weren't going your way. Don't get me wrong who am I to criticise? I am aware that wouldn't make too much a difference to you. I just think you could have been more loyal, less defiant, and maybe just a little thoughtful too. Mindless mouth you've been defaced, it's about time that someone's put you in your place, and I know I'm not the first in line. I know I'm not the first in line. I'm not the first you've pissed off big time.

   
           
                                                                               
 


10. Kabul

I think we found the safest place on earth. People leave their things outside, they don't lock their doors at night, keep their windows open wide. Now this must be the most appealing place, colorful and safe, all dressed-up in silk and lace, the children with a happy face. The men around are cultivated and neat. Music and laughter abound in the streets, and women celebrating their beauty, an epitome of diversity. The most peaceful site under the sun, where a smile is always shown, and the rules are written down, and apply to everyone.

 
   










































11. Spider

I've always been terrified by spiders, could never find out why this was. Every sight or mention of an arachnid made me panic. One day I ran into a confrontation. I got angry at myself and my fears, when I found a hairy transparent skin of what must have been a quite impressive specimen. This fragile opalescent exuvia displayed all the features of its maker. They say these creatures shed nine or more as they grow and grow and grow. Armed with a broom and a can of insecticide I searched anywhere I thought that thing could hide. As I opened the door of the closet there I saw it. Face to face with the spider. The bad bad spider. Chase it with the broom - or should I let it run? Face to face with the spider. The bad bad spider. Let your anger overcome fear, cut the ropes that tie you to the ground and your mind will be clear once the spider is found. Mesmerized I stared at the creature, instead of attacking it tried to get away. For a moment I thought I could read its mind: it was more afraid than me. I wondered why it did not stumble, the rapid movement of its limbs, a perfect performance of coordination, what a fascinating thing! This masterpiece of evolution didn't appear that frightening at all. I seemed to have found my resultion and waved the spider goodbye as it ran up the wall. Oh let your anger overcome fear...



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12. Entwined

I came, I saw, I conquered, just to be defeated by reasons for the things we do. We met, we talked, we argued, and realized we were linked to each other‚ only by the things we do. I was driven man, but my quest was making me blind. All my life I was chasing phantoms I had already left far behind. The reasons for the things we do, the answer to everything, wished I knew what made the devil in me go at the demon in you.You and I had a lot in common so somehow we became entwined, though I thought your view of the world was biased, ignorant and unrefined. The trouble began when your bigotry had turned into a sick fixation, and like me, you went on with utmost dedication.Many years of hard work made the two of us the masters of our domains. We make complicated things look easy and certain people start to think they can handle the game. Nothing we could do about it, but sit back watch them fail. Reasons for the things we do. Throughout our lifes we are waiting for the perfect moment to arrive to tackle the tasks that we've been putting off to shed the burdens that we piled up in our minds. In retrospect we'll realize the perfect moment must have passed us by. The reasons for the things we do, reasons for the things we do. Our society passes on its conscience to scientists and experts, who decide for us if a creature has a soul or can be tortured, killed and eaten and disposed of, if an unborn child is given chance or should never see the light of day. The reasons for the things we do. She was a drop-dead beautiful girl with the looks of Cathrin Zeta, then her hair turned blue and got tattooed with images of horror. And why she made a scarecrow of herself and what's the deal with those scars on her arms? From the darkest corners of my mind the night revives our history, taking us back to places we wished we had never seen. Torrents of painful memories may shiver down my spine, but I won't let attacks of empathy affect my life, no I won't let attacks of empathy affect my life, no, I wont let attacks of empathy affect my life, so would you just shut up and get out of my mind. I came, I saw, I conquered, just to be defeated only by the things we do. Mistakes we've made, were made, just to be repeated, only by the things we do. And then you passed away, I began to question what our quarrel was about. I became a phantom that you left behind, because we missed the chance to sort it out. Are you watching me now from up there? It feels like you are still around down here. Can you see the stars? Can you see the stars? Can you see the stars from where you are? The reasons ...




















































































13. Rainbow

All the colors of the rainbow, as a symbol of our diversity, red orange yellow and green, blue indigo, violet, but the human soul has colors even William Turner's palette never had. Some years ago I met a person whose gender I got wrong. I took him for a girl and apologized, but we laughed it away and moved on. Anyone must have the right to choose or change sex, but should not unsettle others by figeting with rainbow flags. The media are full of non-binary "they"s and all this gender-related stuff. Where in real life are all those people, and why is it all boiling up? Defending LGTB rights, I totally agree with that, but when the Q-fraction calls for an extra restroom is where tolerance is turned to shit. In nature there's only two sexes and the rainbow has only two ends. There is female and male, mother and father, boy and girl, sister and brother, brother may become a sister, madam converts into mister and daughter switches to son, but there only two sides to a coin. The rainbow is only seen if the sunbeams are refracted by rain. The deception of colors will disappear once the air is clear again. There's only two sides to a coin, it won't spin on its edge for long. Once tossed, a winner is found. But you can pick it up and turn it around


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© F. Lorenz 2023